A freelancer's dream world

The world decided one day that everyone should answer the same criteria as people who work 9-5, and not to provide options for the rest of us.

In my freelancer's dream world, the following questions would never be asked without the optional questions I suggest instead.
  • Just put your address here: my what? Address? Which one? The one I just left? The one of the hotel I'm in today? The one I'll be at in two weeks? My parents' address? And again, what?! 
Optional question: at which email address may we write you to know your current address when we will need to send you something in the mail?
  • For security purposes please give us your zip code: been moving so much, no idea which zip code they have on file there. Try a couple, fail each time, end up having to prove that no, you're not trying to steal money from your own bank account. 
Optional question: Social security number or birth date anyone?!
  • Just write your boss's phone number: ahem, ahem. Did you not read the line before that asked for my job, where I put freelancer? Do you want me to put my own name down?! "We just need your boss's contact info." I know. I got it. But you didn't. There is no boss. "Well, we need to have a contact info for your boss." Haaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
Optional question: I don't even know why they want to know my boss's phone number, but how about they say "I've been single too long, can you please fix me up with anyone, even if it's not your boss?!"
  • What's your work phone number: my cell phone. Because I don't have a desk. I move around. And my cell phone is the best number to reach me. No, there is no other number to contact me at. How many numbers do you need to call me at anyways?
Optional question: in which way may we reach you the fastest: call, text or email?
  • What is your monthly salary: which month? Which year? How am I suppose to answer this in one box only?!
Optional question: What is your hourly salary? Or: what proofs do you have that you will make those payments on time?

It wouldn't take much for the place to be a better place for performers!


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